His gaze slides to the ground. Because it's true; it's hard to trust, even - sometimes, especially - Chrys.]
I know he's still keeping things secret. I don't know if he'll ever tell me them, even if I do get all my memories back.
But... for some reason, I just know... he thought about me, even just a little, before he died. Maybe it's stupid. Maybe I'll end up regretting it. But... I want to be able to trust him this time.
It's the least I could do when I never tried believing in him back home.
I am glad you have that. A chance and faith to put into someone else. Though I would speak to him of it if he is receptive. It might help cement if the decision the right one.
I told you heart and Yvette that I don't necessarily need to be you confidant, just that you have someone to talk to and lean on.
And I know the knowledge I have is personal and truthfully I should not be privy to it. So if at a time you do not wish for me to have it, I can ask BARiTONES to remove it.
Mm, there's some things at least that should probably be kept quiet, but... I don't think you'd especially gain much from that information in particular.
That is to say, I think Yvette would also appreciate it if you didn't talk to just anyone about me being a devil. It caused a lot of problems, and some of them directly impacted her since she was with Chrys all the time.
Trust me, I know how judgmental people are. I do not plan on sharing what I learned with anyone else. Not to mention a horrible way to build trust asides if I did.
You have a least a plan. Honestly, I'm glad you are taking whom you care about to a different star. Your owe your current one little.
...He was the one who proposed it in the first place. So when I brought it up again, he agreed pretty quickly.
There was some reason he left me in our world. Even with all the memories I've bought back, I still haven't found it yet. Something made him decide that instead of trying to find a solution to our problem together, the only option was to leave.
Knowing that, but not the reason - it's made it hard to trust that whatever happened is just okay now.
In our world, Chrys is the only person who can kill me, and there isn't anyone who should be able to kill him. No matter how unlikely it was, somehow, we'd survive, even if it took a miracle.
The last memory I took, I remembered waking up in a hospital. I'd tried so, so many times to die, but I kept surviving no mattered what I did. So... I even gave up on giving up. The only thing left for me was to wait to see what would come first: Chrys killing me, or my body deteriorating until there was no way for me to continue living.
Even though I had all these big dreams, I'd become someone truly pathetic. I didn't see any reason to try to salvage that. There was nothing worth saving.
Do not be hard on yourself for those moments. No one is made to bear burdens alone.
You are no long bereft of opportunity, but your illness does pose a challenge. Could one of you wish for both of your healing and the other a new star?
One of my unitmates promised to handle it with his wish, actually. He... wants to make sure I can do whatever makes me happy after this, and he was planning to take the hell graduation anyway, so he decided to use his wish on me - on us.
If that really does go through... we'll be free to take the heaven graduation and go wherever we want.
[The words are halting; he's still not even sure if he can completely believe in it, and it reflects in his voice. But he's trying to be even a little optimistic for once.]
Re: Day 328
I assume this question is to prevent yourself from causing harm to your departed unit mates.
Re: Day 328
But... I can agree to those terms.
Re: Day 328
And to start, I imagine you have some ideas on what to do when you leave the Production. Perhaps it is best to start with those.
Re: Day 328
Go to another world with Chrysanthemum. Whether or not we'll need treatment kind of depends on some other factors, but it's a possibility.
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So I will ask again, how much do you trust him?
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His gaze slides to the ground. Because it's true; it's hard to trust, even - sometimes, especially - Chrys.]
I know he's still keeping things secret. I don't know if he'll ever tell me them, even if I do get all my memories back.
But... for some reason, I just know... he thought about me, even just a little, before he died. Maybe it's stupid. Maybe I'll end up regretting it. But... I want to be able to trust him this time.
It's the least I could do when I never tried believing in him back home.
Re: Day 328
I told you heart and Yvette that I don't necessarily need to be you confidant, just that you have someone to talk to and lean on.
And I know the knowledge I have is personal and truthfully I should not be privy to it. So if at a time you do not wish for me to have it, I can ask BARiTONES to remove it.
Re: Day 328
That is to say, I think Yvette would also appreciate it if you didn't talk to just anyone about me being a devil. It caused a lot of problems, and some of them directly impacted her since she was with Chrys all the time.
Re: Day 328
You have a least a plan. Honestly, I'm glad you are taking whom you care about to a different star. Your owe your current one little.
Re: Day 328
There's probably no escaping him on our world, so going to a different one's probably the safest bet.
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Re: Day 328
There was some reason he left me in our world. Even with all the memories I've bought back, I still haven't found it yet. Something made him decide that instead of trying to find a solution to our problem together, the only option was to leave.
Knowing that, but not the reason - it's made it hard to trust that whatever happened is just okay now.
Re: Day 328
Re: Day 328
Yeah. I have plenty of points already for my own, but the last few I've gotten were rough, so...
Re: Day 328
But for good or for ill those memories are a part of you. You can cast off what you once were if you so decide, but they belong to you.
Re: Day 328
...I know. But seeing all that...
Well, that's why I decided I'd just return home in the first place.
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Re: Day 328 - cw: suicide
In our world, Chrys is the only person who can kill me, and there isn't anyone who should be able to kill him. No matter how unlikely it was, somehow, we'd survive, even if it took a miracle.
The last memory I took, I remembered waking up in a hospital. I'd tried so, so many times to die, but I kept surviving no mattered what I did. So... I even gave up on giving up. The only thing left for me was to wait to see what would come first: Chrys killing me, or my body deteriorating until there was no way for me to continue living.
Even though I had all these big dreams, I'd become someone truly pathetic. I didn't see any reason to try to salvage that. There was nothing worth saving.
Re: Day 328 - cw: suicide
You are no long bereft of opportunity, but your illness does pose a challenge. Could one of you wish for both of your healing and the other a new star?
Re: Day 328 - cw: suicide
If that really does go through... we'll be free to take the heaven graduation and go wherever we want.
[The words are halting; he's still not even sure if he can completely believe in it, and it reflects in his voice. But he's trying to be even a little optimistic for once.]
Re: Day 328 - cw: suicide
You seem hesitant.
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