bondsofsuffering | limelight

[ quiet a long moment ]

Can I suggest something?

What?

[ closes his eyes briefly, swallows ]

[ then opens them, meeting snow's gaze

the bracelets might not be active anymore, but maybe snow can recognize some of what he's seeing: grief, regret, fear, anger, ruefulness...and a lot of affection ]

Maybe we really are getting it wrong.

And maybe that's why. You want to figure it out and get it right. I want to...be braver when it goes bad. Balance the scales.

But neither of those are enough to do better in performances. So I guess what I'm saying is...maybe there's no trusting in you or me or even Aloe or Cinth or anyone.

Maybe the thing to trust in is us. If you think you're right, tell me exactly why. And I swear, if I don't agree, I'll tell you. I won't just say yes. Just like you'll hear me out when I have a gut feeling or a reckless idea, even if I can't explain it as well as you can. Just like we'll listen to what everyone else has to say.

[He watches Aster at first, worrying a little at his lip - not quite satisfied with that, but then, even by Aster's own admission, it was never going to be.

...His gaze drops.]

...Yeah. I guess you're right.

I wouldn't go that far. But it's something to try. We're...usually dropped into these things as groups. Maybe it's because it takes a group.

Well, that and...

I think my problems with it all can't ever be solved anyway, so it's better to focus on that instead.

That makes two of us, trust me.

That's just the way it is, here...

...yeah.

[ laughs a little, wry ]

Geez. You're talking about getting it wrong, but I'm the one who thought you were getting really sick of me up until that last performance. Talk about a misread.

I guess I've just become a worrywart.

It's not being a worrywart when you have good reason to worry.

...It's still a strange feeling, I guess.

It feels like I've gotten more cowardly.

Really? Because cowardly isn't the word I think of when I think of you.

I think you're also at least a little biased, though.

Me? Nah, never.

What's so cowardly about worrying, though?

Mm...

I guess part of the worrying also comes with walking on eggshells, a little. I'm watching my words a lot more than I ever did before, and I can't help but be concerned that something's going to go south by investigating the wrong place - or person.

...what are you afraid is going to happen if something does go south?

...I don't even know. Something even more scarring than everything they've put us through already?

Edited 2024-12-12 05:15 (UTC)

[ finds his hands to squeeze them without looking away from his face ]

It might help to use your logic with this one.

We know they can't kill us in a way that sticks. They don't even want to, probably, 'cause they need actors. They want this story to get to the The End, or as close as they can. So...anything else long-term, or permanent, is probably out, right? They can't even hurt us in a way that sticks. Not physically, anyway. There's trauma, but we're getting traumatized even without doing anything.

So, that stuff is out.

That doesn't mean other bad things might not happen, don't get me wrong. You'd be better than me at figuring that out. But that might be less scary than thinking of consequences as a big, spooky could be anything. It can't be anything, right? Even the Showmaster isn't all-powerful or all-knowing.

...

Is it supposed to be comforting, knowing that even if I die, even if I'm maimed, at least I'll still come back, again and again?

There are many, many ways to die, Aster. They've already shown their creativity there, too.

...sorry. No. You're right. But I don't know how to make that one better.

limelight_stage IC Contact;

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