bondsofsuffering | limelight

It's not being a worrywart when you have good reason to worry.

...It's still a strange feeling, I guess.

It feels like I've gotten more cowardly.

Really? Because cowardly isn't the word I think of when I think of you.

I think you're also at least a little biased, though.

Me? Nah, never.

What's so cowardly about worrying, though?

Mm...

I guess part of the worrying also comes with walking on eggshells, a little. I'm watching my words a lot more than I ever did before, and I can't help but be concerned that something's going to go south by investigating the wrong place - or person.

...what are you afraid is going to happen if something does go south?

...I don't even know. Something even more scarring than everything they've put us through already?

Edited 2024-12-12 05:15 (UTC)

[ finds his hands to squeeze them without looking away from his face ]

It might help to use your logic with this one.

We know they can't kill us in a way that sticks. They don't even want to, probably, 'cause they need actors. They want this story to get to the The End, or as close as they can. So...anything else long-term, or permanent, is probably out, right? They can't even hurt us in a way that sticks. Not physically, anyway. There's trauma, but we're getting traumatized even without doing anything.

So, that stuff is out.

That doesn't mean other bad things might not happen, don't get me wrong. You'd be better than me at figuring that out. But that might be less scary than thinking of consequences as a big, spooky could be anything. It can't be anything, right? Even the Showmaster isn't all-powerful or all-knowing.

...

Is it supposed to be comforting, knowing that even if I die, even if I'm maimed, at least I'll still come back, again and again?

There are many, many ways to die, Aster. They've already shown their creativity there, too.

...sorry. No. You're right. But I don't know how to make that one better.

And that's why I can't help but feel uneasy all the time.

But... I think if I just got used to it, that would be a point of no return for me anyway.

Because it'd feel too much like accepting this place?

Because I'd have stopped seeing any value in preserving life and living.

[ quiet with that one for a moment ]

...yeah. Yeah, I know what you're saying.

...I really don't want to reach that point.

[But he's not sure he can avoid it forever, either.]

[ forehead kiss ]

I wish I could promise you won't. I wish I had anything better to tell you besides that...I'm here for you. No matter what happens. No matter what they put us through. I'll be here to love you, and to listen to you whenever you're scared, and to face whatever problems come our way with you, and to get it wrong, and to get it right, too, with you.

[Leaning into that.]

...Yeah. That's the most either of us can do, isn't it...?

Yeah, it is. The way things are right now.

[ pulling into a hug, if he'll allow that ]

But it won't be this way forever.

[Melting into the hug tbh.]

...I really hope not.

[ holds tight, kisses the top of his head ]

It won't be.

...The story's got to end eventually.

[But from the way he says it, it's more an attempt to reassure himself.]

The story has to end. The Showmaster wants to get to the end. The thought police jumpscare told me, you have to get to the end. There were two other voyages like this before us.

[ rubs slow circles into his back ]

I don't know what it is, but there's something. And whatever it is, we'll face it together.

limelight_stage IC Contact;

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