bondsofsuffering | IC Contact; Empatheias [CLOSED]

You eat all the meat, I'll hog all the blankets.

[There's a pause after a moment as Ayumu listens, slowly deciphering the noise he hears.

....A horse? What--]

....Please tell me you didn't pick a white one. I'm not a damsel in distress

[It's hard to think, but he also knows Hizumi.]

What's that?

[He sounds entirely too innocent. And, as those hoofbeats grow only closer--

Yeah, that is most definitely a white horse, Hizumi sitting atop it with a truly shit-eating grin.]

I dunno, you look pretty damsel-y from up here.

[Ayumu shoots him his best attempt at an exasperated, deadpan look, though it's clearly more of a fond one. He's just relieved to see Hizumi, not to mention see him well enough to be up to his antics again.]

Just get down here and hug me, you sap.

[His voice is hoarse and weak, but he holds up an arm nonetheless, demanding hugs much akin to a sulky 5 year old because he feels awful right now, ok.

The last time he was in Hizumi's arms, he was dying. He wants to erase that feeling immediately.]

[Ayumu doesn't need to ask twice. He didn't even really need to ask once.

Hizumi dismounts, only pausing long enough to make sure the horse knew to stop before dashing to Ayumu's side and kneeling, scooping him up into a tight embrace.

Tears are already pricking at the edges of his vision as reality slides back into place and the world once again feels whole.]

Welcome back.

[Ayumu wraps his arms around Hizumi as soon as he's within reach, grip more than a little tight, but not as tight as it could be, considering how weak he's feeling right now. He buries his face in Hizumi's shoulder, eyes stinging annoyingly as he sinks into his warmth, fingers gripping the back of his shirt tightly.

This was the most steady he'd felt since waking up. All it took was Hizumi's arms around him.]

Glad to be back.

[His voice cracks a bit, emotions too heavy to convey without struggling at least a little.]

[He's silent for a moment as Ayumu settles in his arms, marveling at the physical presence he had so longed for all this time, reconciling those last moments he'd seen Ayumu with the smiling face and the warm body in front of him now.

This is real. This is real. And that confirmation is enough to cause the air to blossom with warmth.

He presses a brief kiss to Ayumu's neck before mumbling into his shoulder. The tears are definitely beginning to run now, and his voice is part laugh, part exasperated sigh.]

'M not made to exist without you, you know?

[It was both a pathetic and painful realization.]

[There's a hitch in Ayumu's breath at that declaration, and he clings if possible a little closer, throat tight. He didn't want to exist without Hizumi either, which was why he'd done what he did. But--

He'd been so, so scared, for so many reasons and not just for himself, and it's hard to pretend he wasn't when Hizumi's crying on him like this, the proof of how much he stands to lose now.]

I didn't-- I don't--

[His headache is getting worse, and he tucks his face tightly against Hizumi's shoulder, nuzzling his face into him. It's damp, where he does.]

I don't want to exist without you either. I don't want to leave you alone.

[It's choked. If there's any confusion about the source of that dampness, the tightness of Ayumu's voice is probably proof enough of his tears.]

Edited 2018-08-31 08:48 (UTC)

[The dampness is surprising in a way - Ayumu's never been much of a crier, especially with his past. It's something Hizumi understood instinctively from the start.

With a wet sniffle and another one of those sad laughs, he just holds Ayumu all the tighter. His voice shakes and stumbles in ways his normally glib tongue doesn't often do, but there's a certain relief behind it, too.]

I'm forbiddin' you from leavin', then. And I'm forbiddin' myself from leavin' you, too.

[It was like having his heart torn from his chest. The thought of ever bearing such a thing again still hurts those open wounds.

Not for the first time, he wonders if that's what Ayumu had felt, too, when he had died.]

Edited 2018-08-31 08:56 (UTC)

[Ayumu could count on one hand with fingers still left over all of times he can recall crying... and all of those times he can remember would be in this world, though he'd doubtlessly cried as a small child at some point. Maybe it was a good thing, that he had things he felt so strongly about again that he could cry, but he never appreciated how awful it made him feel.

He already felt awful enough without the sharp, building pain in his head as he trembles in Hizumi's arms, practically curling around him full bodied. He lets out a small, sad laugh of his own at Hizumi's declaration, still not raising his head.]

Deal. I'd be pretty mad if you left me now, after everything.

[More like distraught, but he's already crying, damn it.

Hizumi would be right on the money, about how painful it was for Ayumu to see him die. He couldn't.... wouldn't, go through that again. The possibility was too terrifying.

There would always be that part of him that was scared of losing what was most precious. He'd just learned to accept that he was allowed to have precious things in spite of the possible pain.]

Edited 2018-09-02 11:04 (UTC)

[Hizumi has no answer for that, not verbally at least. Instead he continues to hold Ayumu close, running one hand through the other's hair up until he draws back briefly, but only that before he's peppering Ayumu's face with kisses, salty tears on his lips, the dampness of their cheeks mingling from proximity. It's only after all this that he finally speaks again, a bit more together, voice still thick but spreading with genuine warmth.]

You'd have to get rid of me before I ever left you.

[The words are murmured as he rests his forehead against Ayumu's. Two sides of the same coin, two halves of a whole - for some, words like that were mere sentiment, but the pain of that loss only served to prove how true they were.]

IC Contact; Empatheias [CLOSED]

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