IC Contact; Empatheias [CLOSED]

[bondsofsuffering]

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[melodyoflogic]

[There's a hitch in Ayumu's breath at that declaration, and he clings if possible a little closer, throat tight. He didn't want to exist without Hizumi either, which was why he'd done what he did. But--

He'd been so, so scared, for so many reasons and not just for himself, and it's hard to pretend he wasn't when Hizumi's crying on him like this, the proof of how much he stands to lose now.]

I didn't-- I don't--

[His headache is getting worse, and he tucks his face tightly against Hizumi's shoulder, nuzzling his face into him. It's damp, where he does.]

I don't want to exist without you either. I don't want to leave you alone.

[It's choked. If there's any confusion about the source of that dampness, the tightness of Ayumu's voice is probably proof enough of his tears.]

[bondsofsuffering]

[The dampness is surprising in a way - Ayumu's never been much of a crier, especially with his past. It's something Hizumi understood instinctively from the start.

With a wet sniffle and another one of those sad laughs, he just holds Ayumu all the tighter. His voice shakes and stumbles in ways his normally glib tongue doesn't often do, but there's a certain relief behind it, too.]

I'm forbiddin' you from leavin', then. And I'm forbiddin' myself from leavin' you, too.

[It was like having his heart torn from his chest. The thought of ever bearing such a thing again still hurts those open wounds.

Not for the first time, he wonders if that's what Ayumu had felt, too, when he had died.]

[melodyoflogic]

[Ayumu could count on one hand with fingers still left over all of times he can recall crying... and all of those times he can remember would be in this world, though he'd doubtlessly cried as a small child at some point. Maybe it was a good thing, that he had things he felt so strongly about again that he could cry, but he never appreciated how awful it made him feel.

He already felt awful enough without the sharp, building pain in his head as he trembles in Hizumi's arms, practically curling around him full bodied. He lets out a small, sad laugh of his own at Hizumi's declaration, still not raising his head.]

Deal. I'd be pretty mad if you left me now, after everything.

[More like distraught, but he's already crying, damn it.

Hizumi would be right on the money, about how painful it was for Ayumu to see him die. He couldn't.... wouldn't, go through that again. The possibility was too terrifying.

There would always be that part of him that was scared of losing what was most precious. He'd just learned to accept that he was allowed to have precious things in spite of the possible pain.]

[bondsofsuffering]

[Hizumi has no answer for that, not verbally at least. Instead he continues to hold Ayumu close, running one hand through the other's hair up until he draws back briefly, but only that before he's peppering Ayumu's face with kisses, salty tears on his lips, the dampness of their cheeks mingling from proximity. It's only after all this that he finally speaks again, a bit more together, voice still thick but spreading with genuine warmth.]

You'd have to get rid of me before I ever left you.

[The words are murmured as he rests his forehead against Ayumu's. Two sides of the same coin, two halves of a whole - for some, words like that were mere sentiment, but the pain of that loss only served to prove how true they were.]