bondsofsuffering | IC Contact; Empatheias [CLOSED]

[Ayumu focuses on undoing the restraints on his wrists-- he leaves the blindfold alone for now, as much as he knows it must make Hizumi feel vulnerable.

He can't do this and meet Hizumi's gaze at the same time. His throat feels tight with revulsion already, he can barely get the words out to respond.

He'd.... how could he have thought this was a good idea? Keeping him bound and caged, like some prisoner... No, like an animal.]

...I... I am.

[His voice is quiet and a little strained, lacking in all the surety and confidence he'd carried himself with the past several days.]

[Hizumi releases a soft breath of relief. If Ayumu were still 'God,' then...

No. No, even in that state, it wasn't likely Ayumu would have hurt him. The actual worst scenario would have been if Hizumi remained trapped in that mindset. He has to repress a shudder at the thought, the memory of that desire, that lust for blood.

He'd always known he'd held the potential for it, but experiencing it firsthand... It's a lucky thing he'd been unable to escape, isn't it? Even through that despair, even through that hatred, at least he hadn't--

...]

Hey, Ayumu. The blindfold... Could you take it off?

Please?

[Of course, now that he's back to himself, there's a deep-seated dread that seems to spread through his whole body. He needs to - he needs to get out of here. He needs to see again.]

I....

[He swallows, halfway through undoing the first of the wrist restraints before Hizumi speaks. They were heavy duty, sturdy things--where had Hiyono gotten them?-- he should really.....

listen to Hizumi.]

....Alright.

[He more than owed him that, after what he'd put him through, and Ayumu reaches up after a moment to untie and tug off the blindfold with shaking hands.

He still won't meet his gaze, though, guilty eyes going straight back to undoing the restraint he'd been working on a moment prior.]

Edited 2017-08-27 06:27 (UTC)

[It takes a few blinks, his eyes being blurred from so much time spent closed, but he's able to see enough and that's what matters.

It takes a bit of effort, but he turns his head - once to the right, and once to the left, shadows skating down his arms only to dash into the air as blades, cutting right through the restraints. They're Hiyono's, which is a question all of its own, but he's not waiting to ask permission to break them when he needs out right now, and blades are faster than shaky fingers.

Rather than sitting up, he'll quickly draw his hands to his chest, rubbing at his wrists. They're raw at best, cut at the worst; he recalls straining at the handcuffs when he could, half-hoping they'd break, half-hoping they'd slice in deep enough to let him escape in a wholly different way. How funny, he thinks, to have fallen into exactly the same cycle of despair even as the apparently all powerful Devil.]

...Let's get out of here for now.

[He's barely able to take in the room, and what he sees tells him enough. He doesn't want to stay here any longer.]

[Something in Ayumu's gut twists sharply when Hizumi's shadows lash out to slice neatly through the restraints, but he chokes it down. He remembers how Hizumi had struggled, how he'd blindfolded him to ensure he couldn't, using knowledge of the limits to his skillset to his own ends.

He wants to leave the room just as much as Hizumi, so he nods, moving to straighten up before pausing.

He extends a hand to Hizumi after a moment, hesitance clear in his body language. He isn't sure how well Hizumi can navigate after being stationary for so long.]

[Hizumi takes his hand readily enough, thanks to just how apparent it is that this is his Ayumu and there is nothing more he needs to worry about. He's shaky, but it's more from hunger than anything else.

He'd... really, seriously wanted to die again, huh? What a lot in life the Devil has, being consumed so easily and completely by despair.

He doesn't look too closely at Frisk's room. He'll have to at some point, there's no way they can leave it the way it is anymore, but... One step at a time. He's been deprived in a number of ways and he's not in any shape, physically or mentally, to deal with it right now.]

Would some food be alright?

[He's not starved at least. Ayumu had ensured there was food - it was Hizumi who chose at first to resist, only giving in and taking small bites here and there as the despair set in and it had become only too clear he wouldn't be able to get out. It's such a bizarre, disconcerting thing, to be able to trace that mindset so easily.]

[Ayumu helps him up, still not meeting his gaze in the process. He doesn't want to look at Hizumi, doesn't want to look at the room-- his gaze is towards the floor, their feet, anything that doesn't force him to take in the results of the past few days. It's futile, he knows that, but he can't.

He'll help lead Hizumi out of the room, nodding as he goes, eyes constantly averted from the tableau of despair in the room. Neither of them had touched the room, not since Frisk.... and now....]

There's... leftovers, I think.

[He remembered that. Leftovers in the ice box, some soup, some meat-- from dinner last night. He'd made more than enough for two, and Hizumi had only had a tiny bit.]

I... can make something else, if you'd prefer.

[He grimaces slightly at the thought. Meals hadn't held much joy for him in the past few days. Not much did, not with all those negative emotions swirling about in his head, throwing into question why in the world he need have existed at all.

He'd been the Devil, after all, and there wasn't an ounce of good that could have come from it... Or so he'd thought.]

Sandwiches? Somethin' light.

[He thinks he can stomach that much.]

Alright.

[He lets out a breath, a little shaky, and nods. He didn't want to drag Hizumi all the way to the kitchen, didn't want to force him to walk those extra steps, so instead he leads him towards the living room, stopping near the couch.]

Do you want.... You could stay here while I made the sandwiches, if you wanted.

[He considers it for a second, releasing Ayumu's hand...

Only to drape himself over the other boy's shoulders, as he does.]

It's not lunch if I'm not makin' an annoyance of myself. I'll come with.

[It's a familiar gesture, something they did all the time before... All of this. And he needs that right now, to reassert the reality they'd grown to cherish in this world, to chase away the memories of... whatever that was.]

[Hizumi can probably feel the tension in Ayumu's shoulders when he drapes himself over Ayumu, the tightness in his neck. Some of it eases, though, at his words.

This.... this was ok. Hizumi wanted this, didn't want to avoid him, wasn't.... was free to move around as he pleased.

It was going to be fine, and that was the point, wasn't it? This was their reality, not the twisted caricature they'd been living the past few days.]

Alright. Come on then, we'll go together.

[He'll keep his pace slow and steady to avoid jostling Hizumi around, at least. He didn't want to trip him up if he really was seeking closeness so soon after everything Ayumu had done. Roka is napping on the countertop as they pass, and when he wakes it's with a happy chirp of a meow and a leap to the ground to twine about Hizumi's legs eagerly, purring up a storm.

Someone missed him.]

[There's a fond smile as he slows so he doesn't trip over Roka. Normally the cat would make for a great distraction so Ayumu could make food in peace, but today is not a day for that.

Instead, he stays as close to Ayumu as possible, and once Ayumu's settled in place with the ingredients, he'll rest his chin on the other's shoulder, arms wrapped loosely around his front from behind. Same as always.]

Extra meat for mine, please.

[The energy is lacking, but he manages a smile, even if it's a weak one.]

Of course.

[He settles into the easy routine of making food, sandwiches he could make in his sleep, but allowing himself to focus on it was comforting, as was the feel of Hizumi's arms around him and head on his shoulders, warm and familiar.

Slowly but surely as he works to build their sandwiches he relaxes, inch by inch, tension seeping away though not gone completely. He's sure to add extra meat to Hizumi's, no chiding for the request this time. Hizumi surely needed it, right now.]

What about drinks?

Edited 2017-08-27 07:49 (UTC)

Just water should be fine.

[It's comforting indeed, the familiar closeness and rhythm as Ayumu sets about making lunch.]

Shall I go fetch the glasses? We can eat at the couch.

[Easier to sit together that way. For all that Ayumu had tried to get close to him before, Hizumi had driven him away. Maybe it was for the better, maybe not, but right now, he's definitely craving for Ayumu's usual affection. The soft, warm kind, unlike the cold he'd held as 'God.']

[Ayumu hesitates a moment to answer that, both because he didn't want Hizumi to let go in spite of his guilt, and the knowledge that Hizumi was still weak on his feet. But if he was sure.... they'd just be moving to the couch, it wasn't that far.]

Alright... go ahead. I'm almost done here, I just need to add the finishing touches.

[He nuzzles at Ayumu's neck briefly before he lets go.]

Meet you there, then.

[Said like it's all that far. He's shaky, but he can grab the glasses alright, filling them with cool water from the water crystal. He'll take them both right over to the couch as promised, waiting on his side for Ayumu so he can get back to leaning on the other's side.]

[Ayumu won't take much longer, what with the simplicity of making sandwiches. He'll scoop up both plates and some napkins, carrying them out to the living room and...

rather than set them on the table, he just settles up against Hizumi's side and hands Hizumi's plate over. Keeping their plates close meant they wouldn't have to pull away from each other, after all.]

[The gesture is appreciated, and Hizumi quickly snuggles up to Ayumu's side.

Sandwich first - he's definitely got to get some food in him - but the tension of trying to hold himself up begins to leak from his limbs as he allows himself to sink comfortably into his seat.

A certain warmth, too, pours into the air, although it's still rather slight.]

[Ayumu's not really feeling up to talking immediately either, so it's fine. He'll curl close to Hizumi, taking his weight against his side when Hizumi relaxes, nibbling on his sandwich. He wasn't really feeling a need for something to fill his stomach, but....

the closesness was a different story.]

[There's a high likelihood that he'll regret eating so quickly later, the weight of it settling at the bottom of his stomach. But his hunger, once whetted with the first proper food in days, has him quickly polishing it off before he sets the plate aside and settles himself next to Ayumu, curling up as close as he can without obstructing the other from his own food.

And then... he speaks again, voice still a little rough where it wasn't before. It's quieter than the norm, but that's probably to be expected, after everything that had happened.]

...You okay? After all that.

[It's only a bit of a stall for time. His lingering memories aren't kind ones, and he's not sure how or if he even really wants to try to articulate the exact awfulness of it all. Any other time and he'd be tempted to simply allow his emotions to do the talking, but...

Well. Right now, emotions are precisely the problem.]

[Ayumu's silent for several moments after Hizumi speaks, fiddling with his sandwich in an uncharacteristic manner. He wasn't one to play with his food at all, so it's a clear sign of some degree of unease on his part.

Eventually he sets his sandwich aside, giving up on his food.]

I'd be lying if I said I was. I.... that wasn't a person I wanted to be.

[A grimace at the memories, before he continues. He was far from happy with what he'd done.]

But you're the one I should be asking that question, I think.

[He gives a short, humorless laugh at that first part.]

That makes two of us.

[But he doesn't turn to face Ayumu as he speaks, only shifting closer as the other teen sets aside his food. Seeking out that comfort now that Ayumu's attention can be spared.]

...It's good that I wasn't able to run freely. Not... like that.

[Not when he was so deep in despair, seeking only the deaths of those around him. He grips tightly at Ayumu's sleeve.]

Edited 2017-09-29 03:29 (UTC)

[Ayumu responds to that grip, turning to curl his body around Hizumi to properly hold him, tucking his free arm around him. It was relieving that Hizumi wasn't rejecting his touch, after....

He still feels shame for treating him like some sort of pet.]

I... I know that. Even as I was, I knew that you'd hate it if you hurt anyone.

[But part of him hadn't cared. As long as he retrieved Hizumi, what was a body or two?]

[He settles into that embrace, burying his face in Ayumu's shoulder. His voice is muffled somewhat, but they're so close it hardly matters.]

Bein' like that... Bein' the Devil...

No matter how it happens, it's like there's no other option but despair. Despair over humanity, over the world...

The only options are to destroy everything, or destroy yourself. But if you destroy yourself, you can't do what you were supposed to. But, if you live...

You have to live as a monster.

[Both options were a bust. Live the awful, heinous life as a Devil? Or fail to complete the job by seeking the only possible death?]

Thoughts like that... I must've turned them around a million times in my head durin' it all.

[Even now, he can feel the thoughts lingering. Even now, he can feel the shadows creeping on the edge of his mind. Memories of fury and despair and helplessness.]

[Ayumu clings a little tighter as Hizumi speaks, responding to the despair and helplessness Hizumi's remembering by trying to act as a support.

Or maybe just because he felt a little of that, himself.]

Even like that.... I didn't... I wouldn't have let you, Hizumi. I wouldn't have.

[It's meant as reassurance, but it's hard to sound reassuring when he knew his reason wasn't out of a real desire to protect Hizumi or anyone else. He swallows against the weight in his throat, and Hizumi can probably feel it from his position.]

I wanted.... to keep you. All to myself. [Away from anyone else who could take him from him.] I thought.... we could go back to how we should be. Or at least...

[At least, he wouldn't be alone, even if captivity made Hizumi suffer more.]

IC Contact; Empatheias [CLOSED]

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