bondsofsuffering | limelight

[Snickering.]

Hopefully they really are that nice! But it sounds super weird, you gotta admit.

It was super weird. I literally yelled at them, and nothing.

-Wait, seriously?

Seriously. They were just like, sorry, no, we looked really hard. And super understanding when I apologized.

It makes me feel...bad.

I mean... it's kind of a lot to have amnesia and then have people suddenly telling you they're your parents out of nowhere.

Not just that. Like...

[ hesitates ]

Do you remember when we first met? I never would've yelled at anyone for anything. I never really got mad. I couldn't see a reason to ever hate anyone. I definitely never wanted to kill anyone. I didn't have any memories of fighting. Or dying. Or wishing I had. I didn't have any reason to think I wasn't human. I was different.

They don't know any of that. They wouldn't even begin to understand it. The boat is just some stupid fun thing to them. The memories aren't real. Around them, it's just me that's all — messed up, inside.

[He listens, though at the end he's quick to answer:]

I know.

Even if you had been exactly the same as you were before when you got amnesia, between that and the events of the ship, you're not the son they remember. Chances are, you never will be, either.

That one, I can relate to, a little. My parents don't know, and I'm sure they wouldn't get it even if I tried to explain it to them. But even I've changed far less than you.

...sorry. Yeah, that's gonna be all of us.

I just — can't fit with them. I wouldn't fit in their lives. I'm not who they want me to be. I don't even want to be. I always thought finding them would make something about me feel better, but it feels worse. I was so afraid that I wasn't worth looking for, but it turns out that I wasn't worth finding.

Hey, don't say that.

[A gentle admonishment, but one nonetheless, even as his grip on Aster tightens, his hand finding Aster's hair for those regular, soft strokes.]

Your worth doesn't depend on how much you resemble your past self.

No.

[ putting his head on snow's shoulder ]

But I wish they'd never come to the city, and that really is kinda shitty of me.

[Pet pet pet.]

I mean... from what you said, they seem pretty carefree, so it might not matter much to them anyway?

I think it does matter. They were really excited to see me. And the mom was totally gonna get into a slapfight with Nettle's mom if she had to, over me.

And it's like, they've been here for five minutes, and I'm already causing problems. I can barely talk to my brother about them. I hate being around them. Nettle was freaked out before I'd even done anything; there's no way this ends without hurting them. And it's not they're the only people involved. It feels like I can't make a move without making things worse for someone.

Maybe if you told them that to their faces...

But, okay, how about this? Tell them the cruise is actually just stopping temporarily, and you're expected to stay in town and return to the ship once it gets going again. That solves any issue of you having to return with them.

Besides that, tell them you need time to get to know them again. You can even bring along a buddy if you want. They wanted to meet me anyway, right? Have someone along who can help defuse the situation if you need to.

In the meantime, make sure Nettle knows you aren't planning on heading back with them. The cruise will buy us some time to figure out exactly how to make that work out, but you're turning eighteen in a year anyway, so you should be able to choose where you're going to live pretty soon anyhow. It wouldn't be strange at all for you to decide to live in Port Manteau with Nettle permanently.

[ marvels, ]

How do you do that?

Do what?

[ gives him a squeeze ]

Make it seem so easy to make everything better.

I just happen to know a thing or two about handling social situations.

...if Aloe still wants to adopt me, I want that. I'll be honest with them about that. But the rest sounds pretty good.

You are amazing, you know.

I know, but I do like being told.

[Hehe ♪]

...you are amazing.

[ bit by bit, is less tense in snow's arms. not relaxed, but less like he's about to vibrate out of his own skin ]

You're no slouch either, you know.

[Another hairpet.]

The whole reason this happened is because of how much you care about Nettle and the others, right? ...I can't really think of that as a bad thing.

You might be a little biased.

Well, yes. There's a reason I'm dating you after all.

[ soft, amused noise ]

...I'm glad you came over. I was losing my mind a little.

[Leaning to rest his head against Aster's.]

I kind of figured.

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